Often, when conflict erupts on our project, we begin to look for who is to blame. It is easy to get caught up in the “fight” and in “winning.” It’s a lot harder to get the issue resolved while ensuring that your relationships remain undamaged. Don’t forget, everyone will still have to work together to complete the project. Try the following steps to avoid being trapped in this vicious win/lose cycle:
1. Seek to understand the problem – Ask probing questions to try to flesh out all aspects of the problem, no matter how angry or hostile the other parties seem to be. Don’t become defensive; you are trying to understand the problem and the assumptions each of the other stakeholders have. This will give you a clearer picture of what the real issues are.
2. Don’t make it personal – Take an objective point of view – don’t become engaged in the battle! Take the role of negotiator or fact finder. As people get wrapped up in the battle and in trying to win, the more likely they are to start feeling that the issue is a personal matter. Remember, it is a project issue. Your success will depend on your ability to not take things personally.
3. Don’t seek blame – Avoid the “blame” trap. Seek solutions and understanding. People generally act logically; your job is to find the logic behind their actions. It is always there and often has nothing to do with the stated problem.
4. Agree on the problem – Work to gain agreement on what the problem is before you attempt to find solutions. If we don’t agree on what the problem is how can we ever agree on the solution?
If you follow these four steps, you will develop productive problem solving on your projects… and you will find yourself keeping your cool despite what others are doing.
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